I never saw you as fat!?
5April 24, 2014 by 43andfatfree and RobertRoyston.net
If I had a dime for every time I heard that I’d be rich!
Recently as I have been speaking to people about getting into better shape and about my own issues and such, there seems to be some common statements made… “I never saw you as big or fat” or my Favorite “You just carried your weight so well” I even had a good friend of 10 years say to me recently, “I’ve never known you any other way but then how you are now with your weight” I was like WHAT! LOL I have lost 35lbs in the last two years I cant possibly look the same! Now I know what they are saying and I really appreciate the sentiment but it has made me go back and look at some older pics from just 2 years ago and I think… No I didn’t hold my weight well and I was fat. Not morbidly obese but for sure fat. So then I started to reflect on the fact that I have always known people “Believed that I could lose a little” but overall accepted me for who I was weight wise… Great right!? People should judge you on whats inside not on how you look!!! But here was MY issue and it may not be yours… I allowed that to be almost an excuse to not work on getting fit, if the social circle I ran in accepted me then why work on it, I’d much rather EAT and be lazy hahaha At least so I thought and had convinced myself of… But the truth was always there in the back of my head and slapped me in the face in pictures or at the pool or beach parties. But the world I lived in was happy to except me and I was happy to fool myself out of the truth… until late at night when all are asleep and its just me and the truth, and I hated it and I ate to feel better. Well I face the truth now and have been for 2 years and I encourage you to do the same. If you know that you need to get into shape don’t wait like I did for so long in life, attack it now a little every day, start slow and work into a new life plan. I KNOW I KNOW its so easy now to sit on this side and speak about the problem, like a smoker who just quite or a born again Christian… you know the people who believe that because they did it you should too…. HAHAHAHA CRAP I may have become one of those with weight loss. Well I guess if your reading my blog your asking for it LOL. I promise I will never just walk up to you and tell you what to do food wise. 😉 and if you start talking to me about losing weight I will just say “I never saw you as fat” HAHAHAHA I wont say that either I promise.
always from love
43&FF
43andfatfree Blog 
Robert, I have lost 57 pounds and others often tell me, “you’ve lost so much weight.” I have, but I have so much more to lose that I still don’t see the results of my hard work. I still have at least 100 pounds to go. It’s going to be a slow road, but hopefully when it’s gone, it’s gone for good. Thank you for your words of wisdom. 🙂 -Michale
Can so relate!
So True! I also find it very interesting that while spiraling out of control and putting on weight no one ever asked me if something was wrong. Not once. However, I lose a few pounds and I’m healthier than I have ever been and I’m constantly being asked “Is everything ok? You’ve lost weight”.
I’m so glad you are blogging about this still. When I need some encouragement to keep fighting the good fight I like to read your blog for inspiration.
Thank you my friend!
Doug you are so right!!! I’ve gotten the “are you ok” comments and I also get “don’t get too skinny!” What!!!!???? Ugh congrats on all of your success bro in your fitness journey, your a true inspiration to many!
Brené Brown is a shame and vulnerability researcher, yes, there is such a thing. Her TED talk: The Power of Vulnerability has almost 15 million views. It is 20 minutes long but if you are in a hurry start at minute 11 and watch through 16:45. You’ll probably go back watch the whole thing and be glad that you did.
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability – t-811346
Brené says “If we share our shame story with the wrong person, they can easily become one more piece of flying debris in an already dangerous storm. We definitely want to avoid the following…The friend who hears the story and actually feels shame for you. She gasps and confirms how horrified you should be. Then there is awkward silence. Then you have to make her feel better.”
This blog reflects a choice to share the story with many, hoping some will benefit. It also opens up the flow of all kinds of feedback on a delicate, even taboo topic. Part of the oh, no, you never had a problem, may be discomfort with the vulnerability and shame of others that could relate somehow to our own. I won’t call you on yours if you don’t call me on mine. In this case, however, I think the more likely explanation for what sound like enabling comments or denial is the tremendous affection and admiration for you that colors everything. While diet saboteurs truly exist, many friends don’t wish overweight on others, but they aren’t used to seeing the sunlight shine on ugly emotions and behaviors. Love what Leonard Cohen says in Anthem “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
In the TED talk whose link is shared above, about 15 minutes in, Brené Brown connects our attempts to numb vulnerability with the fact that “we are the most in debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history… The problem is that you cannot selectively numb emotions…when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
Quotations above are taken from Brené Brown’s books Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead and The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are and from TED talks.